Singaporean pedestrians, renowned for their exemplary queueing etiquette, have reportedly begun training for the upcoming Universal Pedestrian Crossing Olympics. Sources confirm that the average wait time at a standard zebra crossing now exceeds the duration required to watch an entire *Neighbours* episode, leading to innovative, yet utterly futile, coping mechanisms. One elderly resident, Mdm. Tan, was overheard sighing, “*Aiyo, I almost finish my knitting already. Next time I just take one Grablah, more faster, even with the surcharge.*” Transport Minister Lawrence Wong has praised the public's patience, citing it as further proof that Singaporeans can, and *should*, endure anything for the greater good of traffic flow. Officials are considering installing tiny, in-ground vending machines dispensing lukewarm kopi while citizens wait. They are currently debating whether the queue for the machine should be longer than the crossing wait itself.