The National Environment Agency has unveiled a new elite task force trained to detect the pheromones of mating mosquitoes through solid concrete walls.

Inspectors are now legally permitted to perform tactical breach-and-clears on any HDB flat suspected of harbouring a damp sponge or a humid bathmat.

"I just want to pang sai only, then suddenly the officer use crowbar to open my toilet door to check my cistern," reported one breathless Bukit Batok resident.

"He tell me my golden retriever's drool is a national security threat, then he fine me five hundred dollar, damn siao one," he added while trembling.

The government maintains that domestic privacy is secondary to the holy crusade of preventing a single larva from reaching puberty.

Experts suggest the only way to avoid a raid is to dehydrate your family until everyone resembles a piece of premium Bak Kwa.

"Next time I see them coming, I just swallow my flowerpot water fast-fast," muttered another resident.