The Ministry of Trade and Industry is suffering a collective nervous breakdown after the US accidentally accused Singapore of being profitable.

Officials are frantically waving spreadsheets at Washington to prove that Singaporeans are, in fact, professional losers who owe the Americans US$27 billion.

While the US claims Singapore has “excess manufacturing capacity,” local authorities insist their industrial parks are just 90% full of expensive air and high-end sadness.

“Aiyoo, why you think we so rich? We got deficit until siao, don't anyhow say leh,” remarked one trade consultant while aggressively tapping a calculator.

The Ministry clarified that Singapore is merely a giant warehouse for American debt, and any appearance of national competence is a statistical glitch.