The Energy Minister has unveiled a revolutionary strategy to combat skyrocketing utility bills: simply pretending the industrial revolution never happened.

Addressing the nation, the Minister noted that households can easily "offset" rising costs by embracing the lifestyle of a damp cave dweller.

By refusing to use lights or basic human comforts, Singaporeans can effectively maintain savings while the global energy market burns to the ground.

"Siao liao, they think I can use magic to power my fan is it?" complained one sweaty resident.

"Everything also increase, then now tell me must save energy? Next time they ask us to cook on the pavement using sunlight is it?"

The government confirmed that if prices continue rising, they may provide one-time vouchers for high-quality matchsticks.