The Ministry of Social and Family Development has officially launched the ‘National Ex-Lover Registry’ (NELR) to curb the plummeting productivity of heartbroken Sinkies.

Under the new mandate, citizens must register every failed situationship, "talking stage," and messy breakup to avoid accidental run-ins at crowded hawker centres.

“Wah lau, last time I see my ex at the mall, I straight away hide behind the rubbish bin like one thief,” said local victim Tan Ah Kow.

Violating the registry by "accidentally" liking an ex-partner’s Instagram story from 2019 will now result in three strokes of the cane.

Authorities claim that tracking "toxic vibes" is more essential to national security than monitoring rising sea levels.

“Siao liao, now my siao zhar bor ex can track me on OneMap like I some escaped convict,” complained 24-year-old Bryan Lim.

The registry includes a mandatory "Gift Incineration" ceremony to ensure all expensive jewelry is properly destroyed under government supervision.