The Land Transport Authority successfully liberated 178 electric motors from the streets, ensuring Singapore remains the world's premier destination for walking slowly in 90% humidity.

Officers uncovered 477 instances of citizens moving faster than a mall-walking senior without the state’s sacred written permission.

The massive haul of impounded e-bikes has reportedly doubled the LTA’s official fleet, now used to hunt down any remaining traces of joy.

“LTA catch me like drug kingpin just for one small motor,” complained a delivery courier.

“Now bike gone, I hope they eat their own summon letters for dinner!”

Officials confirmed the seized devices would be melted down into more "No Riding" signs to decorate the nation’s empty paths.