In a landmark move, Singapore has granted full diplomatic immunity to Javan Mynas, officially recognising the birds as the island's primary landlords.

New legislation requires diners to vacate hawker seats immediately if a yellow-eyed avian screams in a frequency that shatters eardrums.

"Siao liao, now these birds got more rights than me, can anyhow take my fishcake," complained veteran uncle, Lim Teck Kee.

"Last time we use poison, now must give them respect, damn upside down world," he muttered while surrendering his laksa.

Environmentalists suggest the birds' new status includes free travel on the MRT and the right to defecate on any Minister’s head without legal repercussion.