The Singapore government has announced a progressive "Inhalation Levy" to ensure citizens stop wasting valuable oxygen better utilized by multinational corporations.

Finance ministers argued that carbon dioxide emissions from lower-income residents are currently "not yield-accretive" to the national GDP.

Under the new framework, Singaporeans must tap their EZ-Link cards before every third breath or face immediate deportation to Johor Bahru.

"Wah lau, now breathe also need pay ah?" complained local clerk Lim Kopi, while hyperventilating to save credits.

"I try to hold my breath until pay day, but I think I will peng san first before I can afford one plain prata."

Authorities reminded the public that holding one's breath is considered illegal tax evasion and punishable by caning.

The scheme is expected to raise billions for luxury malls that nobody can afford to enter.