In a move that surprises absolutely nobody, Singaporean firms are prioritising SMU graduates for their world-class ability to "smoke" through meetings without possessing any technical skills.

These over-caffeinated seminar warriors are securing $5,000 salaries by simply out-talking interviewers until the hiring managers surrender from clinical exhaustion.

Experts suggest the university's mandatory internship policy is actually a government-sanctioned hazing ritual designed to break a student’s spirit before they reach the cubicle.

"Wah lau, these kids can talk cock for three hours and still look like they doing real work ah," said one local Managing Director.

"I hire them because after six internships, they already know how to be a corporate slave without crying."