In a masterstroke of administrative gaslighting, the Land Transport Authority has officially designated the island’s towering mounds of mangled shared bicycles as national monuments.

The twisted metal carcasses of defunct startups, rotting gracefully in monsoon drains, now represent Singapore’s glorious commitment to "unregulated venture capital debris."

Tourism officials claim the jagged heaps of yellow rust provide a much-needed "distressed industrial aesthetic" to otherwise nauseatingly sterile housing estates.

"Wah lau, I thought is rubbish only, but now gahmen say is 'installation art' so I don't dare touch," noted resident Ah Huat while dodging a tetanus-covered handlebar.

"Next time I throw my bike inside longkang, I not vandal, I creative director leh," added a local youth.

Authorities hope these rusty shrines will remind citizens that while sharing is caring, abandoning is significantly cheaper.