Singapore’s largest banks have unveiled a revolutionary savings tier requiring customers to perform a blood oath for a 0.05% interest bonus.

To qualify, depositors must spend $12,000 monthly on luxury dog grooming while crediting a salary exceeding the GDP of a small Balkan nation.

The bank’s new AI-driven algorithm will monitor your heart rate to ensure you are sufficiently stressed by the rising cost of living.

"Wah lau, I spend until my pocket got hole just for two dollar, my grandmother also know this is one big bluff," complained Tan Ah Kow.

"Bank think we all siao one, give us peanuts and call it wealth growth, but actually they just want to eat our money."

Spokespeople confirmed that customers failing to meet the criteria will be subjected to mandatory public shaming at the nearest MRT station.