Singapore’s Urban Redevelopment Authority has officially reclassified 6 AM outdoor dance classes as “unconventional psychological warfare.”

Groups of neon-clad aunties are now legally permitted to rupture eardrums using distorted 90s Eurodance blasted through speakers smelling of Tiger Balm.

“If you cannot tahan the bass, then you don’t deserve the morning air lah, go back sleep lor,” remarked Mdm Tan, while aggressively thrusting her pelvis toward a terrified stray cat.

Authorities confirm that any resident attempting to ‘lepak’ nearby will be forcibly assimilated into the rhythmic, arthritic cult.

The goal is to ensure peace and quiet are eradicated in favour of synchronised clapping and high-octane cringe.

“Wait until we start the Blackpink remix, then you really know!”