The Ministry of Health has launched 'Love-Care,' a scheme incentivising couples to exchange bodily fluids only after presenting a valid Integrated Shield Plan.

Singaporean men are reportedly refusing to 'launch the rocket' unless their partner can guarantee a private suite at Mount Elizabeth for the inevitable post-coital UTI.

"Wah lau, last time I dating this girl, she only got basic MediShield Life, then she want to do the 'pattern' more," said 28-year-old Bryan Tan.

"I tell her, eh hello, your coverage not enough for my back pain later leh, better we just hold hand and watch Netflix."

Local clinics report a 400% surge in singles requesting rectal swabs before a first date, citing 'national safety' and 'cost-efficiency.'

Relationship experts suggest the ultimate aphrodisiac in the Lion City is no longer a Rolex, but a lifetime supply of government-subsidised lubricants.

"You want my body? Show me your CPF-MA statement first lor," quipped local influencer, Crystal Teo.