Singapore’s roads are currently besieged by a migratory flock of middle-aged men encased in aerodynamic sausage skins.

These weekend warriors spend $20,000 on carbon-fibre bikes just to block the morning commute while vibrating with unearned confidence.

Their outfits are so offensively tight that every bulging anatomical misfortune is broadcasted in high-definition to traumatised commuters.

"Uncle, your tummy bigger than your helmet but still want wear XS size, for what?" shouted a nearby taxi driver.

Authorities suggest drivers treat these wobbling protrusions of mid-life crises like expensive roadkill that can occasionally shout profanities.

Despite looking like burst bratwursts, these men remain convinced they are one Strava segment away from a professional sponsorship.