The Singapore Armed Forces has officially declared the 69th Battalion of the 'Sabo King' Regiment as elite combat-ready after the men spent three straight years painting grass green and mopping the jungle floor.

Commanding officers noted that while the men can’t shoot for shit, their ability to stare blankly at a wall for twelve hours while 'waiting for indent' is unparalleled in modern warfare.

"Oi, you think this one your grandfather's house ah?" screamed 1st Warrant Officer Tan, whose blood pressure is currently higher than the national debt.

"Clean the toilet until I can see my face inside, then I give you guys weekend book-out, if not everyone sign extra until your balls drop off!"

Soldiers report that the strategic skill of 'Tai Chi'—the art of shifting all responsibilities to the nearest blur recruit—has reached legendary status within the unit bunk.

Corporal Lim, a self-proclaimed 'Chao Keng' specialist, confirmed that he has spent his entire service duration in the medical centre complaining of a phantom toe ache.

"Eh, unit life is like that one lor, act busy only mah, don't be so siao on and just wait for ORD," Lim whispered while hiding in a cubicle.

MINDEF remains confident that if an invasion occurs, the enemy will be so intimidated by the spotless floor tiles that they will immediately surrender.