PTE Tan achieved a medical breakthrough yesterday by becoming the first human to survive eight hours with zero brain activity while standing at the camp gate.

Armed with a SAR-21 and a soul-crushing sense of futility, the 19-year-old successfully stared at a concrete wall until his consciousness physically left his body to find a better life in a long-kang.

Military doctors confirmed that Tan’s heart continued to beat only because his body was too lazy to file the paperwork for dying.

"Walao eh, I tell you ah, the boredom is next level one," said Corporal Liew, who was Tan’s buddy.

"I see him stand there like one fucker statue, then suddenly he start talking to one cockroach about his life goals."

"By the third hour, I think his brain already 'blue screen' liao, now he just standing there like one empty shell waiting for RO."

Tan’s bladder eventually gave up, but the resulting urine puddle was the most exciting thing to happen in the camp since the British left.

Officers have praised Tan’s performance, noting that a total lack of cognitive function makes for the perfect soldier who never asks questions.

Tan remains in a vegetative state, though he is still expected to report for his next shift at 0400 hours because the Guard Commander is a total sadist.