Indonesian President Prabowo Subianto has landed in Moscow for the third time this year, proving that he either really loves borscht or just wants a dictator to hold his hand.

With the US behaving like a jealous ex-girlfriend and blocking the Strait of Hormuz, Prabowo decided to slide into Putin’s DMs to secure that sweet, sweet discount diesel.

The two leaders met for a high-stakes "energy mission," which is just a fancy way of saying they sat in a room at a 40-foot gold table and bitched about Joe Biden for six hours.

Putin reportedly greeted Prabowo with a firm handshake and a promise that Russian oil is much better than Iranian oil because it is seasoned with the salt of Western tears.

Sinkie uncles at the Bukit Batok coffee shop were reportedly heard shouting “Wa lao, lucky him!” as they realized Indonesia might actually have cheaper fuel than Malaysia soon.

“Lanjiao, we are here paying $3 plus for petrol while Prabowo is getting the ‘bro price’ from the Tsar himself,” grumbled one taxi driver who hasn't turned off his engine since 2004.

The deal reportedly includes a clause where Indonesia agrees to call a "Special Military Operation" a "very aggressive housewarming party" in exchange for a 40% rebate on crude.

Prabowo was also seen taking notes on how to win an election with 110% of the vote, a skill he hopes to master before the next time he needs to consolidate power.

Local geopolitical experts say this move is a "masterstroke," mainly because it ensures Indonesians can continue to ride their loud-as-fuck motorbikes without worrying about the price of air.

As long as the oil keeps flowing, Prabowo doesn't seem to care if the rest of the world thinks he's dating the school bully.

At the end of the day, energy security is the only thing that matters when your country is literally 17,000 islands that need a fuck-ton of fuel to stay connected.