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Singapore Slurp: Philippine Senator Claims Senate Shoot-out Is Just Vigorous Team Building Exercise
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Philippine Senator Claims Senate Shoot-out Is Just Vigorous Team Building Exercise

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Eugene Tay
Thursday 14th May 2026 @ 08:12 SST
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The Philippine Senate has officially transitioned from a legislative body to a live-action Call of Duty map, courtesy of Senator Ronald "Bato" dela Rosa.

True to his word of "producing blood," the former police chief decided that an ICC arrest warrant is best handled with a semi-automatic weapon rather than a lawyer.

Witnesses report Bato is currently treating the Senate floor like a Davao alleyway, offering "neutralization" services to anyone attempting to hand him over to international authorities.

"This is just a very loud consultation session," one aide whispered while ducking under a desk as lead flew through the air.

The Senator has denied all charges of illegal killings, insisting that the dozen people currently leaking on the carpet simply "tripped" onto his bullets.

Singaporeans are reportedly thrilled by the entertainment, noting that this beats watching another boring parliamentary debate about plastic bag charges.

Bato remains tucked behind a mahogany desk, vowing to "instill fear" until the ICC offers him a complimentary airport lounge pass.

This satire is based on a real news story.

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