New data confirms that one in three Singaporeans are walking around with mouths resembling a colonial-era graveyard.

Medical professionals suggest that years of grinding teeth while internally screaming at the cost of living has left the population with more exposed dentin than dignity.

While Clinica Pro offers a $9.95 solution to stop the rot, most locals are content to let their enamel dissolve into a fine, bitter powder out of sheer stubbornness.

“Eh, my teeth not yellow, is ‘Champagne Gold’ limited edition hor,” one resident argued while picking a piece of chicken rice from a bleeding gum.

“Dentist say I got erosion, I say I got character lah! Use salt can already!”

Authorities warn that if remineralisation doesn't occur, the national smile will soon be classified as a toxic waste hazard.