Transport Minister Anthony Loke confirmed that even if the Middle East becomes an irradiated parking lot, you’re still getting your five-minute train ride to Johor.

"Tehran is currently a barbecue pit, but our 100 e-gates are fully installed," Loke stated, prioritising cheap groceries over global annihilation.

The project remains on schedule, proving that Malaysian contractors are more terrified of deadlines than a nuclear winter.

Fares are set at $7, but Loke clarified that Singaporeans must pay full price because he doesn't give a lanjiao about subsidising foreigners.

Now you can witness the end of days from a Bukit Chagar massage parlour.

It's faster than a Tomahawk missile and only slightly more expensive than your life.