The National Parks Board has announced a "humane" thinning of the invasive elderly male population currently encrusting Bedok Jetty.

These specimens, identified by their sweat-stained singlets and a pathological devotion to catching fish smaller than a fingernail, have officially reached nuisance levels.

Conservationists noted the jetty’s ecosystem is collapsing as the ratio of expensive carbon-fibre rods to actual marine life hit a catastrophic 50:1.

"Wah lau, I stay here three days only get one tiny tamban, but my Shimano reel cost more than your house leh!" shouted local angler Ah Huat.

"Government want to shoot us like wild boar just because we sit here and drink Tiger beer," complained another witness while tangling six lines.

The culling program will reportedly use premium lures and free liniment oil to bait the uncles into giant transit vans destined for mandatory bingo sessions.