National Parks Board has officially declared war on the geriatric rebels terrorising Singapore’s reservoirs with bamboo poles and sheer audacity.

To combat the rising tide of illegal fishing, authorities will now equip the local otter population with underwater tasers and body cameras.

“These uncles think they can just hook my Peacock Bass and go home make soup,” one NParks officer stated while sharpening a tactical harpoon.

Residents are warned that anyone caught with a forbidden lure will be immediately fed to the monitor lizards as a sustainable waste-management solution.

“Walau eh, I only want one small fish for dinner, then suddenly one otter come and shock my kuku bird!” complained local angler, Ah Hock.

Officials insist the ‘Sting and Sing’ policy is significantly cheaper than hiring auxiliary police to hide in the bushes.

If you see a furry mammal in a tactical vest, do not approach; they are trained to aim for the groin.