NParks has officially authorised the resident crocodiles of Sungei Buloh to consume any visitor moving slower than the national productivity average.

The new "Natural Selection (Enhanced) Framework" aims to clear congestion on boardwalks while providing the reptiles with a sustainable source of high-cholesterol organic matter.

Authorities believe the threat of being digested alive will finally encourage Singaporeans to stop loitering for the perfect sunset selfie.

"Siao liao, the croc just snap his jaw and that tourist vanish like his CPF savings!" shouted witness Lim Teck Hua.

"I never see one lizard move so fast, confirm he more efficient than my boss," he noted while power-walking towards the exit.

NParks confirmed crocodiles have been trained to target influencers and people who talk loudly on speakerphone.

Government officials described the initiative as a "win-win for biodiversity and crowd control."