The Singapore government has unveiled "Charter 2.0," a legislative update ensuring every local female can now legally treat her male counterpart like a slightly defective Roomba.

Under the new provisions, any man caught breathing too loudly during a sale at Takashimaya can be summarily replaced by a designer handbag of equal value.

The Ministry of Social and Family Development confirmed that "alimony" has been renamed "The Reparation for Being a Man Tax."

Legal experts suggest that the Charter now effectively overrides the laws of physics, allowing a woman to be right even when she is demonstrably wrong.

"Wah lau, this new law damn steady sia," said local resident Janice Seah, while polishing her collection of confiscated wallets.

"Now if my husband talk back, I just press one button and the mata come take his CPF for my Botox, confirm plus chop he diam diam."

Critics, mostly men hiding in drainage pipes, claim the law is unfair, though their opinions were immediately declared illegal by Section 4(b) of the updated manifesto.

The Charter also mandates that every Singaporean girl be born with a legal injunction against her future father-in-law.

"Liddat lor, men are basically just walking ATM machines with feelings nobody cares about," remarked another jubilant citizen.