The Singapore Land Authority has launched a state-of-the-art tool to help developers calculate exactly how much profit they can squeeze out of a concrete coffin.

Minister Edwin Tong announced the "Betterment Charge" estimator to provide certainty for businesses currently deciding whether to charge $4,000 per square foot for a closet.

By automating the process, the government has removed the guesswork from pricing young couples out of the property market until they are too old to breed.

Real estate moguls hailed the move as a victory for "transparency," predicting precisely how much blood money is owed to the state before construction begins.

Ordinary Sinkies can also use the app to estimate the exact moment their 99-year lease expires, leaving them homeless and destitute at eighty.

It is a glorious leap forward for the Singaporean dream of paying millions for a glorified storage unit.