The IMDA has finally addressed Singapore’s most pressing crisis: the inability to scroll through TikTok while hiding from your spouse in the basement carpark.

Under the new building code, developers must provide prime rooftop and basement real estate to telcos absolutely rent-free, ensuring that soulless metallic boxes receive the hospitality usually reserved for tax-evading billionaires.

While you fork over your entire salary to live in a windowless cupboard, a Singtel signal booster is now legally entitled to a breezy penthouse spot without paying a cent.

It’s a bold vision of a future where telecommunications hardware has more housing rights than the average citizen.

Condo developers, who typically charge for the air you breathe, are reportedly devastated that they can no longer monetize every square inch of the roof.

However, authorities insist that a future-ready Singapore requires seamless connectivity for autonomous robots, who apparently have higher standards for signal strength than humans have for floor space.

If your favorite BBQ pit is replaced by a 5G tower that makes your hair fall out, just remember that progress requires sacrifice.

Your ability to livestream your mid-life crisis from basement level four is a priority that far outweighs your need for leisure space.