The English Premier League has finally cut out the middleman by launching a direct streaming service in Singapore that still somehow includes StarHub as a middleman.

Premier League Plus promises to deliver the high-octane thrill of watching Arsenal bottle the league directly into the retinas of sleep-deprived Sinkies for the price of three BTO installments.

Local fans are reportedly ecstatic at the prospect of paying for a third subscription service just to watch twenty-two millionaires run around while their own CPF accounts remain as stagnant as the Geylang River.

A spokesperson confirmed the app will include a "Passive-Aggressive Wife Mute" button for husbands who prefer VAR drama over their actual domestic responsibilities.

Because nothing says "national progress" like spending fifty dollars a month to see Manchester United finish tenth in glorious 8K resolution.

At last, Singaporeans can ignore the utter tragedy of the S-League in a dedicated, branded environment.