The Kallang Wave Mall is undergoing a massive revamp by 2028, proving once and for all that Singaporeans will do anything "sporty" as long as there’s a high chance of being seen by a potential Tinder match.

The centerpiece is a 21-meter rock climbing wall that literally pierces through the roof, allowing gym-bros to summit the building and finally look down on the pathetic peasants stuck in traffic on Nicoll Highway.

It’s the perfect height for those wearing $500 harness setups to realize they still hate their lives, just at a higher altitude.

For those who find climbing too much like actual work, the mall is introducing padel courts on the roof.

Padel is the official sport of people who are too uncoordinated for tennis but too wealthy to be seen playing badminton with the heartlanders.

The "wellness" experience includes ice baths, allowing corporate fuckwits to freeze their balls off while wondering if their "activewear" makes them look like a pro athlete or just a colorful condom.

There’s even a pet bakery, because why should your dog eat kibble when it can enjoy a $15 artisanal cupcake while you contemplate your miserable career?

Kan ni na, this integrated journey ensures that by the time you leave, you’ll be broke, cold, and still incredibly average.

Huat ah.