Singapore’s relentless pursuit of a Smart Nation has birthed the "Makan-Bot 5000," a stainless-steel monstrosity designed to automate the joy out of lunch.

The robot is equipped with facial-recognition lasers to identify anyone failing to return their tray within three seconds of finishing their meal.

"Wah, this machine damn savage sia, it keep chasing me and shouting 'Return tray or go jail' through the speaker," reported terrified patron Lim Kopi.

Authorities confirmed the bot’s AI is programmed with "Authentic Hawker Attitude," meaning it will ignore your order for twenty minutes while it updates its software.

To further optimise efficiency, the government has banned chewing, mandating that all carrot cake be delivered via high-pressure hydraulic tubes directly into the esophagus.

"Now I don't even need to talk to people, just scan QR code and pray the robot don't langgar my leg," said regular diner Ang Ku Kueh.

Future updates include a feature where the robot publicly shames your BMI while you attempt to order a second serving of rendang.