TODAY'S

SLURP STATS:

ðŸŸĒREADING NOW
8,962
🔁SHARES TODAY
1,323
âĪïļLIKES TODAY
3,616
Singapore Slurp: NEA To Execute Diners Leaving Oily Tissues On Hawker Tables
Makan Matters

NEA To Execute Diners Leaving Oily Tissues On Hawker Tables

🧔ðŸŧ‍♂ïļ
Eugene Tay
Sunday 19th April 2026 @ 06:00 SST
ðŸĪŠ980

The National Environment Agency has officially sanctioned the use of lethal force against any diner failing to return their greasy melamine tray.

From next Monday, tactical snipers will be stationed atop beverage stalls to neutralise individuals who leave even a single grain of rice behind.

"Eh, I tell you ah, gahmen really no play play already, one oily tissue only also kena shoot," said regular diner Tan Ah Kow.

NEA spokespeople confirmed that public education failed, necessitating this transition to "total biological deletion" for non-compliant citizens.

"Liddat lor, you think you big fuck is it? You don't clear tray, then wait for the sniper to 'clear' you lor," remarked a tray-return ambassador.

The government insists that a bullet to the cranium is a small price to pay for a world-class, bird-shit-free dining experience.

💎VENT ZONE(0 comments)

Loading comments...

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR LIES

Get 100% organic, locally-sourced misinformation delivered daily.

Singapore SlurpSingapore ComedySingapore Satire