The National Environment Agency has launched its most aggressive ‘Hawker Succession’ scheme yet, involving the tactical kidnapping of liberal arts graduates to staff vacant prawn noodle stalls.

Government officials confirmed that "preserving heritage" now overrides basic civil liberties, as new trainees are chained to 400-degree woks until they produce a perfect broth or succumb to dehydration.

The initiative aims to replace "unproductive" corporate dreams with the glorious, sweat-drenched reality of scrubbing grease off floor tiles for eighteen hours a day.

"Lao peh, I just want to be influencer only, now my hand all got oil and scars, damn sian one," sobbed 22-year-old trainee, Jayden Lim.

NEA spokesperson, Tan Bo Jue, stated that cultural survival requires "extreme measures and a complete lack of mercy."

"If these strawberry generation don't want to fry, then we just lock the stall until they beh tahan, simple right?"