The National Environment Agency (NEA) has signed a deal with the US to learn how to handle nuclear reactors without turning Tuas into a permanent glow-in-the-dark park.

Under the new agreement, local officers will travel to America to learn that "enriched uranium" is not something you add to a premium protein shake.

Authorities are confident that a team of 100 experts can successfully contain a core meltdown within a country roughly the size of a large American shopping mall.

The training will reportedly focus on crucial safety protocols, such as how to maintain a calm public image while the air turns into a spicy green mist.

Critics suggest that putting a nuclear reactor in Singapore is a bold move, considering the country struggles to stop an MRT train from breaking down every time it rains.

However, the government insists that nuclear energy is the only way to power the 400 billion air-conditioners required to keep citizens from melting into salty puddles.

If a catastrophe occurs, citizens are advised to simply hold their breath for forty years or hide behind a very thick property tax statement.

One NEA senior official noted that managing radioactive waste will be much easier than handling the annual complaints about high-rise littering.

The radioactive fallout is also expected to save the government millions in electricity costs by making everyone’s skin illuminate the streets at night.