The Singapore Civil Defence Force has issued a high-level alert as the island descends into its annual state of collective insanity over fermented tree-garbage.

Thousands of otherwise functional adults are currently boarding chartered buses to sit on plastic stools in the sweltering heat, just to pay three times their hourly wage for a fruit that smells like a sewage pipe burst in a custard factory.

Self-proclaimed "connoisseurs" were seen poking, shaking, and aggressively sniffing the buttocks of various Mao Shan Wangs as if performing a perverted medical exam.

"Eh, this one must see the star shape at the bottom one, if not later inside all watery and no kick," shouted local resident, Mdm Tan, while elbowing a toddler aside to reach a D24.

Doctors report a 400% surge in nosebleeds as citizens ignore all medical logic to consume the "heaty" yellow sludge until their blood pressure rivals a pressure cooker.

Experts confirm that the national IQ drops by fifty points the moment a spike pierces a thumb.