The Ministry of Health has officially designated North Singapore as a high-security containment zone for people who are dangerously close to becoming human meatballs.

After discovering that Sembawang residents walk 20 minutes less than the rest of the island, Minister Ong Ye Kung launched the ‘Let’s Jalan’ movement to remind everyone that their laziness is a national security threat.

The government is now gamifying basic survival by offering "Healthpoints" on the Healthy 365 app, because apparently, the threat of a massive stroke isn't as motivating as 50 cents worth of vouchers.

“Kan ni na, I walk to the lift also must track? I am not tracker dog leh,” complained one resident who hasn't seen his own feet since the 2011 General Election.

Minister Ong led 500 residents in a mass brisk walk, acting as a high-profile shepherd for a flock of seniors who are one plate of Hokkien Mee away from immediate cardiac arrest.

The new wayfinding feature on the Healthy 365 app will act as a digital leash, guiding residents to fitness corners they have successfully ignored for the last three decades.

Health officials confirmed that North-side residents have turned Sembawang into the national headquarters for chronic illnesses, with blood sugar levels currently higher than the local property prices.

The HPB and PA hope that by turning exercise into a mandatory digital chore, residents will finally stop treating their bodies like a biological trash can for deep-fried snacks.

“I hope walking becomes part of life,” said Minister Ong, while residents wondered if "part of life" meant they could finally stop being judged for sitting down to breathe.

Sembawang residents who fail to hit their 120-minute walking quota are advised to start browsing for coffins before the next GST hike makes the afterlife unaffordable.