The Ministry of Education has announced a revolutionary "No Course Left Behind" policy to address the abysmal completion rates of SkillsFuture modules.

From next Monday, any citizen failing to finish "Digital Marketing for Seniors" will be hunted by high-altitude surveillance drones.

The government noted that while Singaporeans are world-class at claiming free $500 credits, their collective attention spans have withered to sub-atomic levels.

"Aiyoh, I sign up for the sourdough bread making only for the free flour and basket leh," said local resident Mdm Lim.

"The teacher so long-winded, I sleep until the bread also stone, so I just go home lor."

Authorities have now replaced traditional digital certificates with a "Learning Tracker" shackle bolted to the student's ankle.

If a participant attempts to leave before the final assessment, the device instantly liquidates their entire CPF Ordinary Account.

"Education is a life sentence, not a hobby," a spokesperson confirmed while sharpening a rattan cane.