The Ministry of Defence has officially introduced a mandatory "Tactical Sobbing" module to ensure ORD ceremonies stop looking like a mass escape from a maximum-security prison.

Commanders noted that the sight of thousands of men grinning like lobotomised hyenas upon finishing their service was damaging the SAF’s image of stoic discipline.

The new drill requires soldiers to maintain a "Sian-Face" of at least level 8, while ensuring their tear ducts are sufficiently lubricated for the final march-past.

"Oi, your face why so happy? You think this one holiday camp ah?" screamed Senior Staff Sergeant Koh at a recruit who accidentally showed a glimmer of hope.

"Cry more, or I make you sign extra until you really got something to cry about, understand?"

Soldiers who fail to project a sense of profound loss are immediately sentenced to another six months of guard duty to help them rediscover their misery.

"I try to cry already, but the thought of never seeing this fucking jungle again make me too song," admitted Corporal Liew while being tackled by Military Police for smiling.

The SAF remains confident that by forcing men to pretend they’ll miss being treated like sentient dirt, the nation will finally believe NS is "fun."