In a move to modernize the Singapore Armed Forces, MINDEF has announced that all female recruits will undergo rigorous, mandatory “Blowjob Drills” starting next cohort.

The new training module, officially titled "Ballistic Lung-Oriented Water-jet Joint Operational Baseline (B.L.O.W.J.O.B.)", aims to prepare recruits for the harsh realities of maritime survival and manual tire inflation.

A Ministry spokesperson confirmed the drills are essential for maintaining the structural integrity of inflatable assault boats when the mechanical pumps inevitably fail during combat.

“Wah lau, you think NS is playground ah? Every girl must learn how to blow until the thing hard,” said Master Warrant Officer Tan, while aggressively polishing his pace stick.

“Don’t tell me you cannot do it, just use your mouth and suck it up, understand?”

The drills will reportedly take place at the Tekong ferry terminal to ensure maximum public confusion and permanent psychological scarring for all involved.

Recruits who fail to achieve the required atmospheric suction pressure will be relegated to PES C and forced to fold sarongs for the rest of their service.

“Liddat also cannot, then better don’t come NS lah, go home find your mother,” Tan added before ordering a platoon to start blowing into their SAR21 barrels for no reason.