The Ministry of Defence has launched a high-level biological inquiry into why Admin Support Assistants (ASAs) are physically incapable of walking in a straight line without looking like absolute retards.

Researchers at DSO National Laboratories are baffled by the "Admin Gait," a phenomenon where the recruit's left arm and left leg move forward simultaneously in total defiance of physics and the Sergeant Major.

"Wah lau eh, I see them march also I want to vomit blood," remarked 1st Sergeant Tan, while watching a PES E clerk attempt a simple 'about turn' that resulted in a self-inflicted groin strain.

"Every time I shout 'dari kiri, cepat jalan', these buggers start swaying like they are walking in Zouk at 3 AM while high on cough syrup," the Sergeant added.

While the SAF prides itself on military precision, the admin platoon continues to navigate the parade square with the grace of a drunk toddler carrying a heavy tray of hot laksa.

"Eh, my job is to sign your leave and lose your medical certificates, not be a commando leh," said Corporal (Service) Lim, while tripping over his own shadow.

MINDEF is reportedly considering replacing standard marching boots with orthopedic sandals to better suit the ASAs’ natural habitat of air-conditioned offices and weaponised laziness.

The inquiry concludes that if an enemy ever invades, they will simply be too confused by the chaotic waddling of the clerks to actually open fire.