The Ministry of Defence has proudly announced that the nation’s primary deterrent against foreign invasion remains a group of 38-year-old logistics managers with chronic back pain.

These tactical warriors, who spend 350 days a year arguing about Excel spreadsheets, are suddenly expected to remember how to strip a SAR21 without accidentally shooting their own balls off.

"Wah lau, you see their stomach or not? Like pregnant six months sia," remarked Senior Warrant Officer Tan, while watching a platoon of 'combat-fit' uncles struggle to walk 100 metres without a smoke break.

Military experts suggest that the sheer sight of a thousand hungover fathers trying to squeeze into uniforms three sizes too small is enough to psychologically traumatise any invading force.

"Eh bro, I come here to sleep and hide from my wife only, don't ask me to chiong suah lah," whispered Corporal (NS) Lim, before disappearing into the canteen for his fifth fried chicken wing.

The SAF maintains that this annual circus of tactical incompetence is vital for national security, or at least for keeping the local beer industry profitable.