MINDEF has declared that scrubbing moss off longkangs with a toothbrush is the primary deterrent against regional invasions.

While taxpayers believe recruits master urban warfare, most achieve a PhD in "Wait-to-Rush-Rush-to-Wait" logistics.

"Eh fuck, you think I sign on for what? To maintain peace? No lah, I sign on to see these blur fucks knock it down until they sweat blood," commented Staff Sergeant Lim.

The Ministry insists that spending six hours in catatonic boredom while holding a SAR-21 is essential for "character building."

"Liddat also cannot? My grandmother can clean faster than you! You call yourself a soldier? You are a waste of oxygen!" screamed a corporal whose only achievement is a silver bayonet.

National Service remains a two-year experiment in seeing how much bullshit a teenager can swallow for $600 a month.