The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has officially ordered Singaporeans to stop calling the emergency hotline to ask if the impending US-Iran nuclear holocaust will affect the delivery of their $1.20 vibrators from Taobao.

As Donald Trump prepares to flatten every power plant in Iran, local residents are reportedly more distressed about a possible 5-cent hike in the price of iced milo than the prospect of global annihilation.

"I don't give a damn about JD Vance or his beard," said one Tampines resident while holding an SPF officer hostage with a sharpened umbrella.

"If those Iranian gunboats touch my shipment of imitation leather handbags, I will commit atrocities that make the Strait of Hormuz look like a Sentosa pool party."

The government is currently debating whether to send an elite commando unit to Islamabad, not to facilitate peace talks, but to extract a 40-foot container of unlabeled health supplements for a pyramid scheme in Toa Payoh.

Authorities have warned that any citizen attempting to geopolitically maneuver a refund for late shipping will be caned until they forget how to use a smartphone.

While the world teeters on the edge of ruin, Singapore remains united in its singular, sociopathic desire for cheap logistics and free shipping.