A Marsiling resident has officially petitioned the Ministry of Home Affairs for a high-powered sniper license to pick off pickleball players from his bedroom window.

The resident, known only as Cheong, claims the incessant "pock-pock-pock" sound is more mentally damaging than watching a Mediacorp variety show on loop for seventy-two hours.

“Every Sunday morning, these cb people come here to play their fake tennis and ruin my life,” Cheong said while eyeing a Nerf gun he recently modified to fire actual metal spikes.

The pickleballers, mostly boomers who are too unfit for real sports but too energetic to just rot quietly, have occupied the local basketball court like a neon-clad invading army.

In response to the complaints, the Town Council has installed a "Please Be Mindful" sign, which is currently being used by the players as a convenient place to hang their sweaty towels.

"The sign really works, now I have a specific target to aim my middle finger at," Cheong remarked while preparing a bucket of hot oil to pour over his balcony.

The Town Council suggested that residents "exercise consideration," a phrase that roughly translates to "we are too lazy to do anything, so please go fuck yourself."

Pickleball, a sport designed for people who find the dimensions of a tennis court too intimidating for their failing knees, has become the leading cause of suburban psychotic breaks in Singapore.

"They think they look like elite athletes, but they just look like they are trying to swat flies in slow motion while wearing ugly shorts," one neighbour commented while wearing industrial-grade earmuffs.

Cheong has since started a GoFundMe to hire a professional mercenary or at least someone to release a bag of hungry cobras onto the court next Sunday morning.

Authorities have warned that using biological warfare against retirees is "technically" against the law, but have offered no alternative solution to the acoustic torture.

At press time, the pickleball players were seen marking out new court lines using the tears of a group of children who just wanted to play basketball.