The transition from the rustic Jurong Bird Park to the Mandai "Bird Paradise" has turned Singapore’s avian population into a pack of entitled, high-maintenance snobs.

Flamingos, once satisfied with stagnant swamp water, now refuse to balance on one leg unless the water temperature is maintained at a crisp 22 degrees Celsius.

"Last time Jurong okay what, now here so atas but the sun still damn hot, I cannot tahan," complained one particularly neon-pink flamingo named Ah Huat.

Bird Paradise management has reportedly begun installing individual misting fans for parrots who refuse to mimic the National Anthem without a premium subscription.

Even the penguins have threatened a hunger strike unless their frozen fish is served with a side of organic truffle oil and artisanal sea salt.

The Ministry of Sustainability is currently considering a "Bird ERP" system to tax any hornbills flying too close to the luxury penthouses.

Any bird caught complaining about the humidity will be permanently reassigned to the "Crispy Duck" section of a Geylang coffee shop.