Singaporeans are flocking to "Western" stalls to experience the culinary zenith of the Caucasian world: a slab of chicken drenched in mysterious brown slurry.

The "Western" label serves as a legal loophole for vendors to serve heart-stopping grease under the guise of sophisticated cultural exchange.

"Siao ah, this one confirm 100% London style, the chicken so oily I can feel my heart stopping liao, damn shiok!" said local food critic Tan Ah Kow.

The inclusion of a single, limp leaf of lettuce provides the necessary nutritional alibi for what is essentially a slow-motion suicide attempt.

Critics argue the "Chef" hasn't seen a Westerner since the British surrendered in 1942, but his mastery of the deep-fryer remains unparalleled.

The presence of a frozen crinkle-cut fry completes the illusion that one is dining in a Michelin-starred Parisian bistro.