The Singapore Government has successfully saved the nation from the horrifying threat of smelling like a tropical fruit salad.

Jegathiswaran Nagalingam, a lorry driver who clearly didn’t realize that the ICA has a literal fetish for plastic tubes, was caught with $277,000 worth of e-cigarettes and "heatsticks."

Authorities were reportedly crushed to discover that "heatsticks" are just boring tobacco products and not, in fact, a new variety of high-tech anal beads.

The 28-year-old pleaded for mercy, citing his blind father and mother’s bad knees, but the District Judge reminded him that his parents’ mobility is far less important than the government’s tax revenue.

If the gahmen doesn't get their cut, it's a national fucking emergency.

Prosecutor Jolene Chia emphasized the scale of the offence, noting that 37,000 devices is enough to make the entire population of Yishun smell like a bubblegum-scented nightclub for three weeks.

Jegathiswaran will now spend 22 weeks in Changi, where he can reflect on why he didn’t just smuggle something less offensive to the state, like a crate of parangs.

"It’s about deterrence," the Judge noted, as he mentally calculated how many luxury watches $277k could buy if it was collected as tobacco tax.

The ICA has since issued a warning that anyone caught with a vape will be treated with more severity than a literal child predator.