The Singapore government has officially decreed that "lepak" is no excuse for being a useless sack of uneducated meat.

Pub trivia nights have been reclassified as Mandatory Cognitive Performance Reviews to ensure no citizen is wasting precious brain cells on unquantifiable relaxation.

The Ministry of Manpower confirmed that any team finishing in the bottom half of a quiz will have their passports revoked until they can recite the entire history of the Public Utilities Board.

"Eh hello, I come here drink beer only, then the quiz master ask me what is the exact thickness of ERP gantry metal," complained participant Lim Kopi.

"My teammate blur like sotong, never know the answer, now he kena send to re-education camp to memorize Lee Kuan Yew’s speeches, real jialat man."

Authorities insist that if you aren't winning, you aren't relaxing; you're just a national liability with a pint of overpriced lager.

The state has clarified that those unable to name the 1994 S.League top scorer will be immediately harvested for spare parts to power the Smart Nation initiative.