The National Parks Board has officially redesignated the MacRitchie TreeTop Walk as the nation’s premier "Aerial Slacker Sanctuary" to accommodate the surging population of professional aimless wanderers.

Instead of promoting cardiovascular health, the bridge will now serve as a strategic holding pen for citizens who wish to experience the sensation of "doing nothing" while suspended 25 metres above certain death.

Officials confirmed that any hiker caught walking at a pace faster than a tectonic plate will be promptly tasered and fed to the resident monitor lizards.

"Wah lau, I come here to look at trees only, don't ask me to exercise leh," remarked local enthusiast, Lim Ah Huat, while aggressively scrolling through TikTok in the middle of the bridge.

"The view is okay lah, but why the monkey keep staring at my isotonic drink like I owe him money?"

NParks plans to install luxury hammocks across the suspension cables to ensure that the "lepak" experience remains as dangerously unproductive as possible.