The Land Transport Authority has announced a new initiative to weaponise the excruciating silence experienced during shared car rides.

Commuters must now engage in at least three minutes of "meaningful banter" or face a fifty-dollar surcharge for being a socially stunted prick.

The policy aims to curb the trend of passengers pretending to have sudden, violent seizures just to avoid acknowledging the sweaty stranger sitting twelve millimetres away.

"Wah piang, the silence so thick can cut with knife sia," remarked one frequent commuter.

"I rather the driver langgar a tree than ask me why I going Raffles Place on a Sunday, sibeh scary one."

Authorities confirmed that staring intensely at a blank phone screen until your retinas burn will no longer be considered a valid survival strategy.