The Land Transport Authority has officially designated the Park Connector Network as a high-stakes proving ground for amateur fighter pilots.

Commuters now face the daily thrill of being decapitated by illegally modified e-scooters travelling at the speed of sound.

"Steady lah, my PMD can hit 90km/h one, confirm faster than your expensive COE car," bragged local speedster Ah Huat while picking gravel out of his teeth.

Authorities suggest that pedestrians should simply develop supernatural reflexes or accept their roles as human bowling pins.

"LTA officers cannot catch me because their eyes cannot track my motion blur, sibeh fast sia!" shouted a delivery rider before vaporising a nearby poodle.

Transport officials believe this initiative successfully hardens the population for the inevitable robot uprising.