The Land Transport Authority has proudly launched the "Golden Age X-Games," transforming missing ramps into mandatory base-jumping points for the wheelchair-bound.

Those strategic six-inch vertical gaps in Toa Payoh pavements are actually "tactical agility drills" designed to weed out the slow.

"Wah lau, I thought I going market, but suddenly become Olympic hurdle racer, sibeh jialat!" noted 84-year-old Uncle Lim, currently stuck on a staircase.

Officials confirmed that the lack of lifts at overhead bridges is a "pro-fitness initiative" to ensure citizens develop massive pectoral muscles before they expire.

"Sian ah, my wheels stuck in the drain again, help me leh!" shouted another frustrated citizen.

If you cannot bunny-hop a motorised scooter over a concrete kerb, you are simply a burden to the Smart Nation.